Five Christmases
by lets-talk-appella
Summary: Five Bechloe Christmases throughout the years. For Pitchmas 2019, for piratekane!


**For piratekane for Pitchmas 2019!**

* * *

***December 18th, 2011***

Chloe's not surprised Beca chose to sit on the outskirts. She's between Amy and Stacie in the rather poorly formed circle of Bellas, but just far enough behind them that she sticks out. Her distance from the others, both physical and emotional, draws Chloe's eyes like a magnet. Beca is always on the edge of things.

"Don't bother," Aubrey hisses in her ear just as Chloe's lips part.

Chloe shoots Aubrey a look, surprised. "I—"

"I know what you were gonna say," Aubrey says under her breath. "If the gremlin thinks she's too good to join us, leave her be."

"But it's Christmas," Chloe protests weakly, following Aubrey's lead and keeping her voice down. Still, she's pretty sure Cynthia Rose on Aubrey's other side is listening to their every word. "We should try to include her."

"We invited her," Aubrey replies stiffy, her eyes flicking in Beca's general direction and back. "Our job is done."

Chloe clicks her tongue but lets the issue drop. The last thing she wants is to start an argument at the Christmas party. She and Aubrey had spent a lot of time decorating the Bella house for the occasion, transforming it from its bland and empty state (it's hard to decorate an entire house when just her and Aubrey live there) to a veritable winter wonderland with strings of lights, sprigs of greenery, some fake snow, and a small, plastic Christmas tree decorated with a few bulb ornaments. It isn't much, but they'd done their best with the measly pickings of Christmas decorations they'd been able to rustle up from the basement.

Amy clears her throat loudly, leaning forward. "Ummmm so is there gonna be any booze here, or…"

Aubrey's lips tighten almost imperceptibly. "Are any of you twenty-one?"

"What?" Amy's nose scrunches in confusion. "Since when does that matter?"

"Did you forget about Hood Night?" Beca asks, her voice deadpan. "You literally gave us wine."

Aubrey's posture goes somehow more rigid. "The blood of the sisters is a _sacred tradition_ that—"

"There's eggnog in the fridge," Chloe interrupts quickly in an effort to keep the peace. "That has brandy."

"I'll get it," Jessica—possibly Ashley, but most likely Jessica—volunteers. She springs up from her crisscrossed position on the floor and strides toward the kitchen.

Amy moves as if she's about to get up. "Okay, I'll help carry the…" her voice trails to nothingness and she sits back down with a little sigh. "She's got it."

Beside her, Beca smiles that little closed-lipped smile that is becoming more familiar with every passing day.

Quiet falls over them as they wait for Jessica, listening to the sounds of movement from the kitchen.

Chloe doesn't really know what to say to these girls, the new Bellas.

Cynthia Rose scratches her nose.

Stacie adjusts her own boobs.

Amy stares at the ceiling.

Beca's eyes flick toward the front door.

Lilly stares across the circle, eyes huge and unblinking, watching Ashley, who looks more uncomfortable by the second.

Chloe isn't sure Aubrey has taken a breath since Jessica left the room.

"Got it!" Jessica's cheerful voice breaks the silence, restoring air to the room as she carries in a large stack of plastic cups and the huge pitcher of eggnog Chloe had made earlier. "Who wants some?"

Every hand in the room shoots into the air.

As soon as everyone has a drink in hand, the atmosphere in the room relaxes. The girls start talking amongst each other, and Chloe overhears Amy telling Beca and Stacie an absolutely ridiculous story about a crocodile, a koala, and a man named Zeke. At that moment, Chloe sees Beca maybe actually enjoying herself, a small, genuine smile on her face when she thinks no one else is looking. But Chloe is, and she sees.

A few minutes later, Chloe catches Aubrey's eye, and Aubrey gives a single, painful-looking stiff nod.

Sighing internally—Aubrey really has changed—Chloe claps her hands together to get the room's attention. Forcing a bright smile onto her face, she says, "Okay, to celebrate the holiday and to mark your first semester as Bellas, we made you all goodie bags."

As she's speaking, Aubrey twists around, reaching for the small box behind her containing little gift bags for each of the girls. It's nothing extravagant, just some candy and $10 gift cards to the campus coffee shop, but it causes another uncomfortable quiet to descend over the group as the gifts are passed out.

When everyone has a gift and multiple pairs of eyes start to jump around guiltily, Chloe realizes what's going on.

She's not sure what she expected. They hadn't told the Bellas to anticipate any sort of gift, so she's not sure why she thought she and Aubrey would get anything in return. Just because _she'd_ been forced to contribute to a group gift for her former Bella captain for the prior three Christmases didn't mean she and Aubrey were entitled to any sort of captaincy gift.

It just stings a tiny bit, that's all.

"It's okay, we're your captains," Chloe manages after a heartbeat, forcing a hand wave that looks anything but casual. "Didn't need anything."

Beca takes a long drink of her eggnog, her eyes again darting toward the door.

Cynthia Rose coughs.

And Aubrey's grip is so tight around her cup that her knuckles have gone white.

* * *

***December 21st, 2014***

Emily still has flour on her nose from when Flo had flicked it at her. Aubrey, visiting from the lodge, had escaped the flour attack, but still somehow managed to end up covered in egg. At one point, Chloe had accidentally knocked over the brown sugar, causing almost half of the bag to spill out onto the floor.

The holiday cookie baking chaos was nothing new. Lilly had been banned from the activity after last year's incident following the snowman-shaped cookie cutter, over which Cynthia Rose still holds a grudge.

Chloe wouldn't have it any other way. She and Aubrey had made the dough, Emily had rolled it out and used the shaped cutters to make snowmen, trees, and somewhat deformed Santas before transporting them to the oven, and Flo frosted the cookies once they cooled. It's chaotic and absolutely the best way to kick off the Bella Christmas party, at least in Chloe's opinion.

"Chlo?" Beca's head appears around the corner of the doorway leading into the kitchen. "Almost done? They want to do Secret Santa. Amy's getting impatient," she adds, rolling her eyes in what Chloe knows is faux annoyance.

"Oooh!" Chloe half-squeals, startling Aubrey a little with her excitement. "Yes! We're just cleaning up."

"Awes," Beca says, ducking back out of the room.

Aubrey blinks. "Did… she just say 'awes,' or am I hearing things?"

"She picked it up from Chloe," Flo shrugs as she frosts the last cookie.

Emily hums, cleaning up dough residuals. "It's cute."

Chloe can feel Aubrey's eyes on the side of her face, causing her cheeks to warm, so she quickly deflects. "Let's just get cleaned up so we can open presents!"

Aubrey mutters something, but Chloe can't quite catch it, so she lets it slide. It doesn't take them long to finish washing the cookie sheets and wiping the counter, and they're able to join the circle the others had formed in the living room, sprawled across the large couch and in various chairs.

The room is decorated beautifully and had taken a group effort. A large tree stands in the corner, wrapped lovingly in glowing white lights and adorned with ornaments, some of which are homemade. Various strands of garland are hung artfully around the walls in addition with wreaths smelling of pine and cinnamon. Where their trophies and awards usually sit on the shelves is instead a Christmas village set up on white fabric acting as fake snow. It's cozy and festive, and it warms Chloe's heart.

"Okay, aca-bitches, let's get this show on the road," Cynthia Rose says with a smile as Chloe takes the spot on the couch Beca had saved for her. Chloe leans into Beca's side comfortably, getting a quiet grumble in response, but Beca doesn't move away.

"How should we do this?" Aubrey asks, handing out the labeled presents to everyone. "By Secret Santa or by recipient?"

"Recipient?" Stacie suggests, poking at a corner of her wrapped gift.

A tearing sound catches everyone's attention, and heads turn toward the source.

"What?" Amy freezes, her present already partially unwrapped, a sheet of the paper hanging loosely. "You were taking too long."

"Guess we're doing it that way," Beca says. "Free for all?"

As soon as the words are past her lips, the room is filled with the sounds of tearing paper and gasps of surprise and delight as the Bellas rip open their presents. It's not hard for them to figure out who each of the gifts had come from.

Amy's present turns out to be a box that opens into a series of smaller boxes until she's left with a gift card to her favorite smoothie place from Flo ("Remember, you were gone for four hours that time?"). Cynthia Rose unwraps a large, warm-looking blanket from Amy "For you and your woman to share." Jessica gives Ashley a copy of her favorite book, and Ashley gives Emily a journal in which she can practice writing songs. Beca gifts a nice set of paints to Jessica, who immediately hugs her; Aubrey unwraps a pair of alpaca wool mittens from Emily; Aubrey gifts a Survival 101 toolkit to Lilly, whose eyes seem to glow as she whispers something that has Emily reeling away from her in horror; from Lilly, Flo receives a lucky rabbit's foot, which she immediately tucks into her pocket gratefully.

Chloe watches as Stacie unwraps the new leggings she had gotten her ("I needed a new pair! How did you know?") and is overcome with amusement when Stacie's gift to Beca (a little bullet vibrator) causes Beca to sputter and turn bright red. ("It's Bluetooth! So it can vibrate in time to your music," Stacie winks.) Beca's eyes meet Chloe's for an instant and the words "lady jam" seem to drift through time. Finally, Chloe receives a customized hoodie from Cynthia Rose that proclaims "Bellas for life" on the back and features each of their names printed neatly under it. Chloe puts it on immediately, getting lost in its warm softness.

As the unveiling of presents finishes and the party really gets started—Lilly has placed wrapping paper over her own head, covering her face completely—Chloe takes a moment to sit and enjoy the experience.

It's their last Christmas together in the Bella house. The thought creates a small fissure in her chest, one that threatens to widen and spread into a large crack until she forces herself to think of something else. That "something else" is, as always, Beca.

Beca, sitting next to her, their sides touching even though she has her arms crossed and is doing her best to appear grumpy over her gift from Stacie (even though she hasn't let go of it yet). Chloe knows her, though, knows that Beca's just happy to be there with all of them.

Chloe knows that when the time comes, it's going to be hardest to say goodbye to Beca for a few reasons.

It's silly, but as the speaker behind them switches to playing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey, Beca happens to look over at Chloe (who had already been looking at her) and Chloe's heart stutters.

* * *

***December 23rd, 2015***

Their first Christmas in that tiny New York apartment is a small affair. It's not even really Christmas yet, but they're celebrating early because they're both going to visit their families on Christmas Day. Amy had bailed on the planned dinner for the three of them, out to meet a new boyfriend (that may or may not be Bumper), leaving just Beca and Chloe and more food than is feasible for just the two of them.

It's hard to be annoyed at Amy, though, when having a candle-light dinner with just Beca is perfect. The rest of the apartment is dark, apart from their small Christmas tree tucked—jammed, really—into a corner. It's snowing outside, flakes drifting past the window, but it's warm in the apartment. Beca's expression, illuminated beautifully in the candles' glow, is open, soft and content, and Chloe feels happier than she has in a while.

Beca and Jesse broke up two months ago, and it seems like Beca's not thinking about it at all.

Chloe hasn't stopped thinking about it.

They eat slowly, making their way through as much of the dinner (chicken, potatoes, vegetables, and a pie Chloe had made) as they can before packing leftovers away in the fridge. Once they've cleared dinner, Chloe follows Beca's lead and sits back at the table. Beca has been acting a little strangely all evening, and Chloe knows that means she has something to tell her. Chloe knows because she knows Beca.

"So um," Beca begins a little awkwardly, and Chloe's stomach flutters with anticipation. "I know we weren't going to do gifts, and _you_," Beca narrows her eyes, "didn't give me any ideas—"

"I couldn't come up with anything I wanted," Chloe defends herself, only a half-truth.

All she wants is seated in front of her.

"Yes, right," Beca says, her eyes focusing over Chloe's shoulder for a second, a nervous habit. "But it didn't feel right to not get you _anything_, so, um, I kinda…" Beca lets the sentence trail off as she rises from the table and moves toward her bedside—couch-side—nightstand. She opens the small cabinet, pulls out a wrapped package, and rejoins Chloe at the table.

"I kinda made this," Beca says and hands the gift to Chloe.

With a quick glance at Beca's nervous expression, Chloe slides a finger under a slit in the wrapping and tugs. The paper comes off easily, revealing a thick photo album. Chloe's heart stumbles over itself in her chest as she opens the album to page through it. Pages and pages of Bella pictures stare back at her; selfies each of them had taken, group photos of them, candids of every single one of them, stretching back even to Beca's freshman year, judging by Aubrey's presence. Chloe runs a finger down the side of Aubrey's photographed smile, overwhelmed.

"Amy helped me put it together," Beca explained, "but I asked everyone to send photos they'd taken, and then I just got them printed. Um, I figured—well, I thought that—do you like it? I can always—"

"Bec, I love it," Chloe breathes. When she looks up at Beca, it's through a watery haze. Blinking back the tears, Chloe throws her arms around Beca's neck, pulling her into a tight hug. Beca returns the hug immediately, her arms wrapping around Chloe securely.

_Home_, Chloe thinks.

When the hug ends and Chloe starts to pull away, Beca stops her with an "Um," and a hand on her arm. "Look, I…" Beca starts, eyes darting around the room. "I know I don't always—I mean, you know, when I call you, like, a _nerd _or whatever, or I'm grumpy in the morning and you're just… there with toast and coffee and I—well, you know, when I say things, uh, and do things like this, I just—I hope you know that I'm really saying, um—"

"I love you, too," Chloe says easily.

Beca looks relieved, but happy, just the barest hint of pink rising into her cheeks. "That's settled," she says, and her eyes drop to Chloe's lips.

Chloe's stomach flips so hard she's amazed she doesn't flip with it.

Her own attention moves to Beca's lips—small, pale pink, and impossibly dangerous—in time for the tip of Beca's tongue to poke out, wetting them. They're still close, close enough that all it would take is one of them to lean forward just slightly to close the distance.

Chloe leans in just as Beca's expression shifts minutely, a flicker of _something _crossing her features and just like that, Chloe catches herself. She pulls back sharply and turns around to hide her face, hearing herself babble, "Yeah, and, I got you something, too, hang on, let me just get it!"

She rises from her chair and throws herself toward the cabinet where she'd hidden the new pair of headphones she'd gotten for Beca, trying hard not to think about what just happened. What almost happened.

It might not be anything.

But it isn't nothing.

* * *

***December 25th, 2016***

Chloe wakes slowly to featherlight kisses trailing along her bare shoulder. The arm around her waist gently tightens, Beca pressing even closer behind her under the warm blankets. Chloe can smell the vanilla of Beca's lotion, the clean scent of her shampoo. She feels where the mattress dips to make room for both of them, feels where Beca's equally bare body touches hers.

Around them, the apartment is quiet and still. Amy is again gone for the holidays—though really, maybe it's time for them to start looking for separate apartments—so in place of her deep breaths, only the light hum of electricity and heat and the soft gurgle of water in the pipes can be heard. Chloe knows that before long, they'll be able to hear footsteps from the apartment above them and cabinets banging in the apartment beside them, but for now, all is calm.

With a deep, slow breath, Chloe opens her eyes just a crack, taking in the dark apartment, its features only barely visible. She turns carefully in Beca's arms, earning a pleased hum when Beca realizes she's awake.

Once they're face to face, it's easy for Chloe to tilt forward and press her lips to Beca's smile, again and again, trading early morning kisses that make Chloe's toes curl. When she pulls back to rest her forehead against Beca's, Chloe can't help letting out a soft sigh of contentment. Beca's eyes, always beautiful, seem to sparkle and shine with happiness in the dimness of the apartment.

Chloe's hand had ended up on Beca's hip; she slides it around Beca's back, her fingers tracing the bumps in her spine. Beca's eyes flutter at the touch, another pleased hum leaving her throat.

"Hey," Beca whispers, her voice raspy first thing in the morning.

"Hey," Chloe breathes back, taking in Beca's messy hair and slightly swollen lips with a sense of pride.

It's not new, this thing between them. They've been together since May, when they'd both had a little too much to drink and started talking feelings. Chloe had blurted it all out, and to her surprise, Beca had reciprocated. It had been one of the best days of Chloe's life.

Even then, it hadn't really felt "new."

Chloe finds herself losing the battle to a huge yawn, one that makes Beca's smile widen.

"Five more minutes?" Beca asks quietly, lifting an eyebrow.

Chloe shrugs. It's Christmas. They've got nowhere else to be. "Maybe even ten."

She tucks her head under Beca's chin, turning her face into Beca's neck and inhaling deeply. Beca's arms wrap securely around her, the fingers on one hand toying with the fine hairs high on the back of Chloe's neck. Chloe exhales happily, already drifting back to sleep.

* * *

***December 24th, 2019***

Chloe is alone in bed.

She rolls to her other side with a huff but can't seem to get any more comfortable. Flopping onto her back with a groan doesn't help either; the pillow puts her neck at a bad angle. Muttering darkly to herself, she rolls back onto her side, shuffling to the center of the mattress. Now she's too warm. She throws off a blanket. Too cold.

She can't sleep without Beca by her side. Beca knows that.

Chloe's eyes tear with tired frustration; she's exhausted and doesn't understand what's happening or where Beca has been for the last hour since she went to bed.

Still mumbling to herself in annoyance, Chloe hauls herself out of bed, flinging the sheets away and pulling on a bathrobe, not caring that it's skewed over her shoulders. She marches out of the room, not wanting to be too loud but also wanting Beca to hear her and know she's still wide awake and not happy about it.

The first few rooms Chloe checks are empty and dark, and her confusion grows; she'd expected Beca to be working in her studio producing her latest single or maybe searching for the next big name in music, but she isn't there. Annoyance increasing by the second, Chloe moves deeper into the house until a strange shuffling noise reaches her ears. She turns the corner into their sitting room and stops in the doorway, the scene illuminated by the many strands of multicolored lights wrapped around the Christmas tree.

All she can see of Beca are her legs sticking out from under the tree. She's lying on her stomach, and she uses her feet on the floor to propel herself around, the sound of shuffling suggesting that she's rearranging the gifts under the tree. Chloe's gaze drifts to the mantle, where the stockings she and Beca had hung up by size had clearly been rearranged, now alphabetical.

Looking around the room, Chloe sees the stockings and presents are not the only things Beca has been tampering with; their decorations have been moved, items on the shelves straightened, the brightest and biggest ornaments brought into prominence.

Understanding flows through Chloe and she relaxes instantly; she leans into the doorframe, her exhaustion and annoyance forgotten. Her wife is so, so beautiful.

"Bec, baby?"

Beca makes a small yelp of surprise and the entire tree shakes. "Christ!" her voice emits from under the tree. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" Her tone is light, though, so Chloe knows she's not really upset.

"Beca, what're you…" Chloe trails off as Beca's legs start kicking out, propelling her backward.

Slowly, the rest of Beca emerges from under the tree. She sits up, blowing an errant strand of hair from her face impatiently. The bags under her eyes are evident, and Chloe knows she must be equally tired, but a strange anxious energy seems to crackle in the air around her.

"I'm trying to make it all perfect," Beca replies, standing from the floor before turning a critical eye toward the tree.

Chloe softens that much further. "Come to bed, it's late."

"I know, I will soon, but I just—I want them to be surprised in the morning," Beca says, fluffing a bow on top of a small wrapped box.

"They will be. This is going to be all new," Chloe reminds her gently.

"Yeah…" Beca agrees absently, squinting at the tree. "But really, the lights are—maybe we can, like, make them glow more? Like, add a white strand quick? And I guess we could have gotten a bigger tree. Don't even get me started on the stockings because I tried—"

"It's all perfect, Bec, I promise," Chloe interrupts, lifting herself from the doorframe and entering the room. She moves behind Beca, wraps her arms around her waist, and presses a kiss to the side of her neck. "They'll love every second," she says, holding Beca tighter. "Besides, it's not like they'll really know what's going on."

"I know." Beca murmurs. Her hands drop find Chloe's, entwining their fingers. "But I want them to have this. And to know they'll always have this."

They stand for a long minute, staring at the tree until Chloe breaks the silence. "Come with me."

"Oh, but—"

"Let's go," Chloe urges, turning Beca around gently and leading her by the hand back toward their bedroom. They walk through the dark rooms together, but instead of going into their bedroom, Chloe leads Beca farther down the hall. She pauses at the closed door only long enough to raise a finger to her lips, and then they enter together.

The nursery is dark, but Chloe can still make out the ducks and bunnies Jessica, Ashley, and Emily had worked together to paint on the walls. The cribs that each of the Bellas had doodled or written messages on stand proudly in the room, their occupant's name displayed on each: Jackson and Piper.

Chloe and Beca stand there for a while, watching their children sleep. Chloe smiles to herself, thinking of last year's Christmas; her present to Beca had been the news that she was pregnant with twins.

"You're such a good mom," Chloe breathes into Beca's ear, not wanting to wake the sleeping babies. "They're going to love their first Christmas."

Beca nods wordlessly, leaning more into Chloe. "Merry Christmas, Chlo," she breathes, gripping Chloe's hand tightly.

"Merry Christmas, Bec."


End file.
